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Isn't (s)he lovely!Dateline: 13th September, 1998 I enjoy trawling the Web for information on British Theatre, but there are times, I have to admit, when it becomes something of a chore: the theatre sites which are almost interchangeable, the amateur companies that splatter their sites with in-jokes, the pretentious claptrap that some "experimental" companies produce... They're all pretty awful (but, fortunately, in the minority), but my real pet hate is the actor's fan sites which are little more than a "Come and get me! I'm yours!" declaration. I say "actors", but there are some similar sites for actresses too. They're not quite the same: they tend to say, "What a babe!" and to concentrate on - to quote A Chorus Line - tits and ass rather than any pretentions to (or even genuine) acting ability the subject may have. Actually, they are a bit more honest. The actors' sites tend to say "X is the greatest actor that ever lived" rather than the more truthful, "God, I fancy him!" What, you may ask, brings on this splenetic outburst? The Slobber/Drool Factor I have just finished visiting five sites devoted to the same actor, one after the other, and the message was quite clear: "Slobber! Drool! Come and get me! I'm yours! Drool! Slobber!" Oh boy! Now I would be the last person to deny anyone the right to fall in love with and drool over whoever takes their fancy. I would defend to the death (Well, that's probably a bit of an exaggeration) their right to express that slobbering devotion in whatever medium takes their fancy. It's just that it's such a shock for poor impressionable lads like me to come across this kind of site when wending their innocent ways across the Net. Now, some of these webmasters/mistresses give us a clue to what we're going to find: sites entitled The Online Shrine to Joe Soap or the Fred Bloggs Worship Page, or even Bob's Josephine Bloggs Babe Gallery, prepare us for what is within. Thanks to those who show this consideration for the sensibilities of their fellows! But what are we to make of The Joe Bloggs Page? Is it going to be a site like The Great Actor, Basil Rathbone, which is a fine study of the man and his films? Or is it going to be another like the SCOTBOY (link removed in October because the page has gone) page in which the webmistress vows undying love for Alan Cumming in terms which would make her mother disown her? (I came across one site - which shall be nameless, to spare the webmistress' blushes - which not only shows her passion for the actor concerned, but also tells us how she takes her teenage daughter on her visits to watch this paragon of actorly virtues onstage. I feel for that poor child! All the teenage girls I know get totally covered with confusion and embarrassment if their mothers so much as laugh too loudly or wear clothes which are not, in daughter's eyes, suitable to their age. How must this poor lass feel?) PICS Rate Them? Perhaps the PICS rating system should include (alongside nudity, foul languge etc. etc. etc.) an excessive drool classification. Not to protect kids, but to make sure the rest of us are not exposed to the shock of discovering the depths of depravity to which certain ladies would dearly love to sink! Or am I just a boring old f.... fat person, in need of a course of Viagra to pep up my life a bit? (I nearly wrote "to spice up my life a bit" to show how in touch with the youth of today I really am, but that's probably old hat by now. I mean, if Willy Hague likes the Spice Girls, they've got to be passé.) But seriously, folks: that's why Miningco has people like me, and why we make critical annotations of all the links we list, so that you can avoid exposure to this kind of site. Or go to it, if that's your bag. In the words of Miss Jean Brodie, "For those who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing they like." Incidentally, the actor for whom the slobber/drool factor is greatest is undoubtedly Alan Cumming. And no, I'm not going to list all the s/d sites here. Find 'em for yourself, if that's what you want. What I am going to do is give a short list of what I consider to be the best of the real fan sites, those sites which respect the work of the actor/actress. Some of them have faults of design or in other aspects, but what they have in common is an appreciation of the actor as an actor. It's only a short list, and they're my favourites. There are others which I don't mention, mainly for reasons of space or for purely personal reasons, so please don't be upset if I omit your personal favourite - or even your site. No slight is intended - unless the s/d factor is high! In My Humble Opinion.... Those who have read this column for a while will not be surprised that one of my first choices is Karen Rappaport's Alan Bates site, which, for me, embodies what a fan site should be. Another which is equally thoughtful and intelligent is this one for Dirk Bogarde. If you're a Branagh fan, then the Kenneth Branagh Compendium is, in my opinion, the best of the multitude of sites devoted to this latter-day Olivier. Poor Ken must now get used to being regarded as one of the older British actors, being a slightly different generation from people like Robert Carlyle. This site does have an s/d factor (albeit a low one), but you can ignore it for the wealth of info about the man. Now let's jump back to the generation before Branagh. This Sean Connery site is well researched and packed with information. As official sites go, the Official Sir Anthony Hopkins Page is probably the best of the bunch: not too sycophantic and reasonably information-rich. Also information-rich, but spoilt by poor design, is the first site for an actress, Jane Horrocks. Actors' sites are almost always very serious, no matter what the s/d factor, so it's nice to come across one which is fun, and they don't come much more enjoyable than this one for Barry Humphries, the delectable Dame Edna Everage and the appalling Sir Les Patterson. Fans of Malcolm McDowell are well served by this site, as are Ewan McGregor fans by the Ewanspotting site. Sticking with the Macs, they don't come much better than the Ian McKellen site, although I have to say that the one devoted to Ian McShane is pretty good, too. It's nice, too, to see Sir Laurence Olivier getting a fair crack of the whip. We are woefully short of good sites for that generation of British actors! For the sheer volume of information present, it's hard to beat the Donald Pleasence site. Similarly detailed is a site I've already mentioned in this article, that devoted to Basil Rathbone. The The Rickmanista Review is, I think, the best of the many Alan Rickman sites, both for the quantity and quality of what is there, and the Officially Unofficial Tim Roth Page does the same for its subject. And at last I can recommend another page devoted to an actress: An Appreciation of Kristin Scott Thomas has the same to recommend it. Finally, another site devoted to one of the older generation, the Edward Woodward site, packed with information and the authors have the great advantage of having regular contact with the man himself. Do you see a pattern? Very few sites for actresses (most of them are created by men) but many sites for actors (created by women); and the best sites, generally, are for the older actors, those who are no longer sex symbols. Although my women friends all think Sean Connery is really sexy. There's hope for me yet! That is, if the number of years younger than Connery that I am make up for the number of pounds heavier! No? Ah well, one can always hope. Can I have my Viagra now, nurse? Articles Indices: |
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