A Modern Shepherds' Play Written by Peter D. Lathan 62 Sandringham Road Roker Sunderland SR6 9QZ United Kingdom Tel;: 0191 548 7482 E-mail: plays@schoolshows.demon.co.uk ************************************************************************************** Characters Voice Not one voice, actually, but two, although they can both be played by the same person. The first should have the excited, significant tones of an advertising voice-over, and the second is the reader of a lesson in church. Judah A young shepherd, dominated by his mother. Lazy but with dreams of being a hard man! Girls Any number you choose of glamorous girls whose sole function is to drape themselves seductively over Judah in a short dream sequence. Mother Judah's domineering mother. A real Yiddisher Momma! Shepherds 1 and 2 Older than Judah. They moan and groan a lot. They should be played with a local accent. Angels Both angels should be played as business people in smart suits. If they are played as female, Angel 1 should go in for power dressing! Angel 1 is business-like and rather impatient. Angel 2 is young and scatty: an inexperienced operative on his/her first mission. ***************************************************************************** The play is built along the same lines as the Mystery Shepherds Plays - hence the title - and actually shares some of the dialogue, albeit updated. It finishes with the shepherds going off to see the child who has been born and so, in that sense, is not complete in itself. The play was first performed in December 1988 at St Hilda's Church, South Shields, Tyne and Wear, by the Performing Arts Department of King George School, South Shields. ******************************************************************************* (The stage is in complete darkness.) VOICE Join the Professionals! (Spotlight up on JUDAH. He wears battledress and a balaclava. He has wellingtons on his feet and holds a shepherd's crook diagonally across his body, like a soldier holds a gun.) VOICE It's tough! (Judah points the crook towards the audience like a machine gun.) VOICE It's hard! (Judah snarls.) VOICE It's dangerous! JUDAH (Sly Stallone style!) You dirty wolves better look out. I'm gonna get you. VOICE And it takes a real man to do it! (A group of glamorous girls fling themselves at Judah, hanging on to his arms, legs, etc.) VOICE Could you measure up? Could you.... (Drum roll) VOICE .....join the Shepherds? (Gasps of admiration from the girls.) MOTHER ( Off-stage) Judah! (The girls freeze. Judah looks sheepish (!).) MOTHER It's time you were up! JUDAH (To the girls.) I'll be back. MOTHER You'll be late! Get out of that bed this minute! JUDAH (As the spotlight begins to fade.) Alright, mam. I'm coming... I'm coming. (Spot out. Fade lights up to SHEPHERD 1, who is stamping his feel and blowing on his hands, trying to keep warm. After a few monets, he is joined by SHEPHERD 2.) SHEPHERD 1 There you are! Where've you been? I've been waiting ages. SHEPHERD 2 I'm not late, am I? SHEPHERD 1 You are an' all. SHEPHERD 2 Never! SHEPHERD 1 You are! SHEPHERD 2 Well, not more than five minutes. SHEPHERD 1 How long doesn't matter. The fact is, you're late. SHEPHERD 2 Well, I'm sorry. Honest! it's not the end of the world, you know. SHEPHERD 1 You're always late. SHEPHERD 2 So what? SHEPHERD 1 So the day shift always moan, that's what. And I'm the one they moan at! SHEPHERD 2 Well, let them! I'd like to see how they'd be if they worked nights! Going to bed when everyone else is getting up. Going to work when they're going out to enjoy themselves. I'd like to see them try it! They can moan on all they like.... SHEPHERD 1 All right! All right! I should have kept me mouth shut. SHEPHERD 2 Anyway, why go on at me? Judah isn't here yet, is he? SHEPHERD 1 Huh, him! Always late, him! If there was an Olympic event for being late, he'd get gold and silver. Mind, you'd get the bronze... (They continue to moan at each other as the lights cross-fade to Judah and his mother.) MOTHER Judah, will you hurry up? You're going to be late for work again. You'll be in trouble at work. Why they keep you on, I do not know! You're never on time. JUDAH Mam, will you stop going on! I'm ready now. MOTHER Right. Now, have you got your dinner? JUDAH Yes mam. MOTHER And you've got your new scarf as well? JUDAH Yes mam. MOTHER What about your gloves? You're not wearing them. JUDAH They're in me pocket, mam. MOTHER Well, they'll do you no good in your pocket. Put them on. JUDAH Mam, I'm still in the house. I don't need them in the house. MOTHER Our Judah, you put them on! It's cold out tonight. I'm not having you go down with the flu. JUDAH Yes mam. MOTHER (This is obviously a well worn speech. Judah mouths what she is saying as she speaks, making faces all the time.) Anyway, I can't understand why you want to do this job. Working all through the night! It isn't natural. And when do you get to meet any nice girls? Oy! Oy! I'll have you on my hands for the rest of my life! Why can't you get a sensible job, already? Like our Mary's Rachael's Simon? Now he's got a really good job. You should have a word with him. He could.... JUDAH Yes, mam. I've got to go now, mam. I'll be late, mam. Bye. MOTHER Judah! JUDAH Yes mam? MOTHER Haven't you forgotten something? JUDAH Mam! I've got me dinner. I'm wearing me scarf and gloves. I put me vest on like you said. I've got the front door key..... MOTHER Judah, you haven't given your mam a kiss. JUDAH Oh mam! MOTHER Judah! Just you give your mam a kiss before you go to work. JUDAH Oh! (He gives her a quick peck on the cheek and hurries off. She calls after him.) MOTHER Now you take care, our Judah. Watch out for those wolves. I don't want you getting hurt. Such a dangerous job. Why he has to do such a dangerous job I don't know. My son the shepherd! What a disappointment to your momma you turned out to be..... (We hear her chuntering on in thsi vein while the lights cross-fade to the other shepherds. Her voice only fades away as Judah joins them.) SHEPHERD 1 Ah, so you've decided to come to work, then? SHEPHERD 2 Nice of you to drop in, like. SHEPHERD 1 Not that we haven't enjoyed waiting for you. SHEPHERD 2 No, there's nothing we like better than standing half an hour in the freezing cold. JUDAH I'm sorry. I slept in. SHEPHERD 1 You always sleep in. SHEPHERD 2 You've never done owt else but sleep in. SHEPHERD 1 You do nowt else but sleep. That's all you do all night. JUDAH I said I'm sorry. SHEPHERD 2 If sleeping was an Olympic event you'd win it. SHEPHERD 1 It wouldn't be worth anyone else entering. SHEPHERD 2 You've already got the world sleeping record. JUDAH (Annoyed) I said I'm sorry. (They prepare for the night's work. They gradually settle down.) VOICE And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night..... (The lights begin to fade, but before they do we see Judah and Shepherd 1 stretched out on the ground and Shepherd 2 sitting but snoozing. They all snore quietly.) (Dim light comes up on ANGEL 1 and ANGEL 2. They both carry flashlights and Angel 1 has a briefcase.) ANGEL 1 Well, where are they? ANGEL 2 How do you expect me to know? ANGEL 1 You said they'd be here. ANGEL 2 I did not. I said they'd be looking after their sheep. ANGEL 1 No. What you actually said was they'd be on the hillside looking after their sheep. So, where are they? ANGEL 2 But I didn't say which hillside, did I? I mean, all I said was, if they're shepherds they'd have to be on a hillside looking after their sheep because that's where the sheep are kept. ANGEL 1 I don't understand you! I really don't! You'd think that when you're given a job to do, you'd want to do it properly But not you! Oh no! Find out where the shepherds will be, that's all you were told to do. A simple enough job; any apprentice could do it. But not you. Oh no! not you! On the hillside, you say. On the hillside! ANGEL 2 Well, what's wrong with that? That is where they'll be. ANGEL 1 So they'll be on the hillside. But which hillside? This is mountain country. There's hundreds of hillsides. ANGEL 2 Well, how was I to know that? ANGEL 1 How were you to....! I do not believe it! What in heaven do they teach you at training school nowadays? Surely it must have occurred even to you that if you get a message delivery job, you should at last find out where you've got to deliver it to! ANGEL 2 Well, it's daft anyway, isn't it? I mean, shepherds! What does HE want to tell shepherds for? ANGEL 1 That's got nothing to do with you! You're job's to deliver the message, not question it. ANGEL 2 Well... it just seems daft to me, that's all. I mean, peace on earth, goodwill to me - to shepherds! What's it got to do with them? I mean... ANGEL 1 Look! What's the first lesson you're taught? ANGEL 2 What do you mean? ANGEL 1 What I say. What's the first lesson you're taught at angel college? ANGEL 2 Well, that... ANGEL 1 Go on. ANGEL 2 That He... ANGEL 1 Yes? ANGEL 2 ...that HE works in a mysterious way. ANGEL 1 Right! A mysterious way! That's why we can't understand it, because it's mysterious. ANGEL 2 Oh, come on! That's HIS wonders to perform. What's so wonderful about a bunch of shepherds? ANGEL 1 If I knew that, it wouldn't be mysterious, would it? If I understood that, I'd be HIM, not me, wouldn't I? ANGEL 2 ( At a loss for words) Well... ANGEL 1 Right. So get on with looking for them. And you'd better find them pretty quickly, because it's getting late. (Angel 2 moves off, the stops.) ANGEL 2 Don't you mean it's getting early? ANGEL 1 What? ANGEL 2 You said it's getting late, but it's five o'clock in the morning. That's early, isn't it? So what you should have said is that it's getting early, not late. See? ANGEL 1 (Not amused!) Ohh! Just get on with it! ANGEL 2 All right. There's no need to get stroppy. I'll find them. (Angel 2 hunts around for the shepherds, using the flashlight, while Angel 1 stands tapping his/her foot impatiently. Eventually (s)he finds them.) ANGEL 2 Hey! They're over here! (Angel 1 joins him/her.) ANGEL 1 OK, you've found them. Now give them the message. It's your job. ANGEL 2 But... ANGEL 1 What's the matter now? Can you not do a simple job? ANGEL 2 But they... they're asleep. ANGEL 1 Well, wake them up! ANGEL 2 Wake them up. Yes. Right. (Pause) How? ANGEL 1 How do you think? Shine the light in their faces. ANGEL 2 Er... Yes... Right. ((He shines the light in Shepherd 1's face: he grunts. Tries Shepherd 2: similar reaction. Turns to Judah.) JUDAH Oh mam. Turn the light off. (He turns over.) It's not time to get up yet. (Angel 2 looks helplessly at Angel 1, who raises his/her eyes to heaven, then shines his torch. The Shepherds begin to wake up.) SHEPHERD 1 What's going on? SHEPHERD 2 What's that light? SHEPHERD 1 It's blinding us. SHEPHERD 2 What's... JUDAH All right, mam. I'm getting up. (The two Shepherds shake him awake.) JUDAH What's happening? (A pause while everyone looks at evryone else.) ANGEL 1 (Nudges Angel 2) Well, go on. ANGEL 2 Eh? ANGEL 1 The message. Deliver the message! ANGEL 2 Oh. Yes. Right. (To the Shepherds) Shepherds, arise. SHEPHERD 1 Are you from the union? ANGEL 2 Eh? (It sinks in.) I see. No. I mean... arise - stand up, not a rise - a rise. See? ANGEL 1 Get. On. With. It. ANGEL 2 Oh. Right. Er... Shepherds, arise. ANGEL 1 You've said that! ANGEL 2 Sorry. Yes. I have. Erm... Shepherds. Do not be afraid, for I bring you good news. Today, in Bethlehem, a saviiour has been born, Christ the Lord. You'll find him in a stable, lying in a manger. That's how you'll recognise him. Go at once to see him. He has come to bring peace on earth and goodwill to all men. (The Shepherds and Judah look at each other in amazement. The Angels switch off their torches and disappear.) SHEPHERD 1 A saviour? SHEPHERD 2 Christ the Lord? JUDAH In Bethlehem? SHEPHERD 1 That must be... SHEPHERD 2 The Messiah! JUDAH The one Isaiah talked about... SHEPHERD 1 ...who's coming to save the world. SHEPHERD 2 We've got to go and see this. JUDAH Now. Right now. SHEPHERD 1 Come on! (They move off and the lights begin to fade. As they fade out, the last thing we hear is.....) JUDAH We should take him a present. He can have me gloves. I mean, look at them.... ************************************************************************************* Plays by Peter D. Lathan Copyright notice The plays in this download area or on diskette are all copyright Peter D. Lathan. 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