Irvine Welsh and Dean Cavanagh
Performers Ltd
Assembly Rooms


Nobody can fault the pedigree of the writing team behind this new play, nor the underlying idea.

A stylish set represents the office of the production team for cult 1960s movie Performance, which starred James Fox and Mick Jagger and has recently been released on Blu-Ray.

At the point where we enter proceedings, a voiceover states that casting is in progress and the intention is to recruit real gangsters rather than professional actors. Indeed, John Bindon, who is referenced, used the film as a stepping stone from a life crime to movie hardman.

Waiting for their 15 seconds of fame are a couple of clichéd hoods, Alf and Bert. They already feel at home since Alf’s niece Florence works in the office. She also has a connection with Bert, though that had best remain a secret, otherwise the 16-year-old’s dad may want to shoot off his kneecaps.

When the director’s camp runner Crispin arrives, he brings in the comic twist. Unfortunately, it isn’t very funny, leaving an hour in which a couple of unlikely fellows wait for someone who never arrives. Beckett did it far better.

Reviewer: Philip Fisher

*Some links, including Amazon,,, ATG Tickets, LOVEtheatre, BTG Tickets, Ticketmaster, LW Theatres and QuayTickets, are affiliate links for which BTG may earn a small fee at no extra cost to the purchaser.

Are you sure?