No-one would claim theatre reviewers make a vital contribution to society. Still, at least we are not WAGs.
The Wives And Girlfriends (WAGs) of footballers have been the butt of jokes and subject to snide gossip for years. However, even the most charitable person must acknowledge the vacuous personalities of the WAGs, and their conspicuous consumption means the jokes and digs might be justified. Victoria Beckham may or may not have comforted her husband after he missed a vital penalty shot by saying how good his hair looked, but Coleen McLoughlin (later Rooney) really did think nothing of making a 900-mile round trip by airplane for a haircut.
Courtrooms are often the basis for riveting drama, occasionally pinpointing moments of societal change. Jurors at the trial to determine if Lady Chatterley's Lover could be considered obscene became sharply aware of how sexual and societal attitudes had changed when asked if they would allow their wives or servants to read the book. The courtroom dispute between Rebekah Vardy (Lucy May Barker) and Coleen Rooney (Laura Dos Santos) dramatised in Vardy V Rooney: The Wagatha Christie Trial paints a depressing picture of the UK as a tawdry, celebrity-obsessed place in which the legal system (and pretty much anything else) is reduced to a playground for the self-obsessed ultra-rich.
Coleen Rooney steps on stage to describe the events which gave rise to the court case. Convinced someone in her circle of acquaintances is leaking stories about her private life to the media, she sets a trap. Like a modern-day Miss Marple (hence the phrase ‘Wagatha Christie’), she posts false stories on, whilst limiting access to, her private Instagram account. This leads Rooney to conclude, and publicly state, Rebekah Vardy is responsible for the leaks. Vardy responds by launching a libel action against Rooney, resulting in the court trial.
From the opening, director Lisa Spirling gives a clear indication the play should not, arguably cannot, be taken seriously. Polly Sullivan’s set turns the courtroom into a football field with the participants as opposing players. The trial opens with the judge blowing a whistle, and whenever one of the barristers makes a strong legal point, they strike a dramatic action pose to cries of "back of the net!"
Nathan McMullen and Halema Hussain guide the audience through the finer points of the trial, pointing out the significance of certain events. However, they do so in the style of football pundits commentating on a match with the familiar breathless delivery and dramatic phrases.
The play seems partial towards Coleen Rooney (who won the case). Lucy May Barker demonstrates how Vardy undermined her own case. When speaking to her press agent, Vardy is not so much gossipy as downright nasty, taking pleasure in shamelessly revealing the dirty laundry of other people. Her personality in court appears withdrawn and borderline deceitful, not helped by many of the ‘facts’ used to support her case (a mobile phone containing evidence conveniently getting lost at sea) being hardly credible.
Vardy V Rooney: The Wagatha Christie Trial is a rare play in which the audience can feel comfortable laughing at, rather than with, the characters; it is an excruciating comedy of embarrassment. There is the inevitable scene of an out-of-touch judge not understanding how Instagram works. The central characters appear to be their own worst enemies, failing to appreciate how they are exposing themselves to ridicule by the general public by revealing their greed, lack of concern for other people and ignorance.
Although Vardy V Rooney: The Wagatha Christie Trial is hilarious, there is a sour aftertaste. The events depicted demonstrate how the UK legal system has been weaponised by the wealthy to the extent legal recourse is beyond the income of the average person and the system is used to safeguard the interests of the obscenely rich (as in efforts to prevent the publication of a book on the relationship between Vladimir Putin and the oligarchs) regardless of any moral considerations.
It is hard to avoid the feeling those involved in the trial learnt nothing from their experience. Although Rebekah Vardy lost her case, she did not hesitate to trademark the phrase 'Wagatha Christie', despite the fact it was not coined by her but by comedian Dan Atkinson. There is, therefore, potential for a sequel in the future.